spacedemw

Looking back on things that have passed usually brings me an amazing amount of joy. However Three months ago my life changed forever. I know that sounds dramatic and perhaps it is. Despite the amount of time that has passed since that day, I am unable to get it off of my mind. So I figured maybe if I were to finally write out my feelings than maybe just maybe I would be able to come to terms with what happened and begin the healing process.

On March 3rd a beautiful man whom I’ve long considered one of my best friends took his life by jumping off of the roof of my work. I remember when i got the text message from one of my friends saying that someone had jumped that morning and they had closed off main street. I didn’t need the conformation because in my heart I already knew who the person was.

I remember the first time we met.

He came by the desk where i was working and had asked to borrow a sheet of printer paper, he was manic and couldn’t stand still if his life depended on it. I handed him a legal pad and you would have though it was Christmas the way his face lit up. He was so grateful for something that is constantly overlooked on a daily basis it made me smile. He had placed his backpack on the desk and pulled out a really worn folder bursting with papers. He had everything from song lyrics to drawings. When we first actually started talking he was very soft spoken, reserved but the minute we started talking about video games, movies & music that instantly changed. He lit up immediately and just started going on and on about his favorite games and I was surprised that we were into the exact same ones. He told me about his life and how he moved here to be with his girlfriend at the time (They had broken up since then). He was from Louisiana and told me about his sisters and how much he missed going to New Orleans. He also told me that he came by for the weekly open mic night at the hotel and that I should go down and watch him do a song or two. He was upset because he loved to come to open mic night but none of his friends ever had time to come watch him sing.

I remember flipping my back in 5 minutes sign and heading down to the bar to watch him. He was so happy there on that little stage, Singing a song he had written a couple of hours before. He had so much energy and put so much of himself into it I couldn’t help but be amazed. I have never been good in front of people, hell ha ha I dont even sing in the shower, but he had no reservations or fear about it. I was blown away.

When he was finished he came back up to the desk and we talked some more. He told me he had a mental disorder ( i would list it but cant for the life of me spell it) and It turns out was the same disorder my boyfriend has. It was amazing to be able to talk to someone about things and have them understand you 100%. I remember giving him my phone number and telling him that if he ever needed someone to talk to he could reach me 24/7.

After that day he came by every single week for every single shift i had. We would spend the entire time talking, If i was with a guest or taking a reservation he would always be sitting at the table directly across from the desk writing anything/everything. Although most of the time he would be writing songs to perform at open mic night. He always kept himself busy.

I remember one day i asked him to make me a list of game suggestions because i had been getting quite bored with my current games. He laughed and said ” I would love too!!”. The next day he came by the desk and handed me a full sheet out of the legal pad i had given him. On one side of the paper had anywhere from 150-200 different games, and he had organized them alphabetically, by genre, which bundles were more cost effective and which ones had essential dlc. On the other side of the paper he had written an essay about Why silent hill was his favorite game and the different aspects of the game that he loved. Actually I still have it and thanks to a really good friend of mine it is now laminated and framed in my living room.

When i got the text message about someone jumping off of the hotel I immediately left my other job and started running towards the hotel. I remember walking laps around the building just so numb to everything going on around me. I went up to the roof because I still didn’t want to believe it was real. I still remember breaking down when i saw the footprints that went across and then abruptly ended.

Even though it has been three months i still have a hard time going to work. People have told me to focus on the good memories we had together and I do but the hole in my heart is going to take time to heal. I hope one day I am able to look at this building and find the love that i had for it again.

There will never be a day in my life where i don’t remember the love i had for this person. How someone who came into my lobby changed my life forever. It is kind of amazing, you cross hundreds if not thousands of people everyday. You just never know who will come into your life and never truly leave.

Rest In Peace My Friend

Until we meet again

xoxo

-Lizzy

spacedemw

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